How To Save Two Hours of Your Life…

By: | November 29, 2014 | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Read my post about my motivation for blogging.Don’t Go See Gone Girl.

(Welcome to my first movie review.  Mature content and spoiler alerts are coming.)

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good murder mystery.  I could rave about Agatha Christie’s Ten Little Indians all day.  The problem with Ben Affleck’s new murder mystery Gone Girl, is that there is no murder.  From what I could ascertain from the previews, the movie seemed to be marketing itself as a murder mystery in which likeable Affleck gets blamed for his wife’s demise.

However, there is no murder, no homicide, nothing.  His wife, played by the beautiful Rosamund Pike, is simply gone.  For two hours we have what continues to be a tedious drawn out movie that doesn’t seem to know what its own plot is.  As if this wasn’t arduous enough, the movie actually counts down the days she’s “gone” as if to say, “Look, we’ve counted all the way up to this really high number now, are you bored yet?

The film starts out talky, and then wife Amy is missing.  The plot had more holes in it than a box of Cheerios.  (I just made that up; did it work?) For example, when Affleck’s wife is missing, he doesn’t even seem that concerned.  As if to explain, the character comments that he normally doesn’t react to things.  React Ben, it’s a movie!  You’re trying to hold our interest.  If you don’t act like you care, why should we?  Mr. Affleck sure is a looker, really easy on the eyes, but I’ve heard he’s a better director than actor, and this movie proved the rumor true.

Shaky Plot

As it turned out, Amy, Pike’s character, was mad at Nick, Affleck’s character, due to money problems and an extramarital affair.  Wow, how original.  They’ve both been done to death.  (Sorry, I forgot Ms. Pike is alive and well throughout this travesty–no death occurred!)  Give me a break.

So, the “Gone Girl” continues to be gone for a while.  The whole time she keeps eating.  Kit Kat bars, chips, ice cream, you name it.  I assumed it was to further change her appearance so no one would know she was the “Gone Girl” and not the dead girl.

She ends up manipulating Neil Patrick Harris’s character into helping her.  (Harris is a big star; he took too small a part to make it worth a trip to the set.)  While she’s roping him into helping her, she ties ropes around her body, in order to frame him for her kidnapping.  Why?  Oh, so she can return to Affleck, the man she hated enough to frame in the first place.  Presto chango, she’s thin and beautiful again even though she refused to go to the gym after Harris urged her to.  (Is this a boring review?  Don’t blame me–it was a boring movie!)

She returns to the civilized world complaining that Harris had kidnapped, tied her up, and raped her before she killed him with a box cutter.  All the officers  look at each other and ask how she could have gotten access to, and used, a box cutter if she was tied up.  Yet, the police decide to believe her anyway and let her return to Affleck.  (Maybe this is why I’m so down on policemen.  See Ferguson: Right or Wrong http://wp.me/p5jxvv-2y.)

In the end, he takes her back knowing she tried to frame him.  She pressures him into staying with her although she hated him enough to leave eight weeks prior.  This is inexplicable since she had loving parents she could have returned to.

I forgot something–she ends up pawning Harris’s unborn child newly conceived inside her (can you believe this plot?) onto Affleck.  This woman is a criminal who is now pregnant with somebody else’s baby.  He knows she’s a murderer (no genius detective work here–she confessed to him) and that it’s not his baby.  When he complains, she admits she’s the “C” word.  Irregardless, two people that hated each other so much they did illegal (her) and immoral (him) acts stay together in the end.

You know what I say, they deserve each other.  Now be gone!  You are boring me further, and now you’re boring my readers.

Movie viewers, what do you think?  Should I have gone to see Interstellar when I had the chance, or did you enjoy Gone Girl?  I look forward to your views.

  1. britestarlites3

    I’m in total agreement with you! Wish I had picked Interstellar too!

    • Janice Wald

      Interstellar has a great cast. Matthew McCaunahey (sorry, don’t know how to spell his last name), Anne Hathaway… It’s on my “To See” list.

      • britestarlites3

        Sure sounds like it! Will add it to mine as well, thanks 🙂

  2. cavellemartin

    lol your box of Cheerios analogy totally works btw lol.Just last night my friend was telling me how good this movie was lol she was like blown away by it. I have no intentions of seeing the movie so I asked her. Was he set up? and she was like yeah how did you know? I said well it just seemed obvious in the preview lol. Now after reading this review I’m glad I went with my gut. Thanks! 🙂

    • Janice Wald

      The whole plot was too obvious. I omitted in my review that he had increased her life insurance right before her disappearance which gave him motive for her murder. Indulge my sarcasm here: Wow, how original. Some plots are unrealistic; this one was too predictable.

  3. John Doe

    I liked the movie very much.

    • Janice Wald

      What are you basing that on, may I ask?

  4. mithra ballesteros (

    Loved this post. Found much of your scorching review to apply to the book as well. And I will try to credit you for the Cheerios analogy the first three times I use it. After that, no promises. 🙂

    • Janice Wald

      Hi Mithra,
      Thank you so much for the nice words. I really appreciate the validation since, as I mentioned, this is my first movie review. I also blogged about the deterioration of the president’s character on “Scandal”. If you’re interested, I got you the link: http://wp.me/p5jxvv-1t. It’s another “scorching” review, by the way. I plan on writing a DVD review next. You’re writing is really funny. Please give my Cheerios analogy credit, and royalties too, if there are any. LOL.
      It was fun engaging with you. I’d love it if you followed my blog, if you’re looking for a blog to subscribe to. If you have a blog, I will follow you back. Thanks again for reading what I wrote, writing me, and your kind words.
      Janice

    • Janice Wald

      Hi again,
      I heard the book filled in some of the holes in the plot. It didn’t? I’m glad I didn’t read it.
      Janice

  5. batteredhope

    I was planning on seeing it — thanks for saving me the $$.

    • Janice Wald

      Anytime =)
      Again, just an FYI I confirmed my subscription to your blog, but I’d like to know you see it, so let me know. Thanks.

  6. Precious Chiduku

    My best friend told me about the movie. She enjoy it very much 🙂 However, when she told me about it, it wasn’t interesting for me to actually go watch meself. I am starting to feel like all the original stories are taken now… movies are becoming stupid, and pointless with very little logic. Instead of entertaining, they are irritating!!!!!!

    • Janice Wald

      Hi Precious,
      Are you from Indonesia? I think it’s beyond wonderful how the Follow for Follow group is evolving and how we have come together from all over the globe.
      In regards to your comment, I completely agree. They keep making sequels instead of thinking of original ideas. I am actually thinking of blogging about it!
      Janice

    • Janice Wald

      Did I respond to you Precious? I can’t remember. I don’t know how to tell on WordPress if I’ve already replied. I guess not, so I hear I go. I agree. I was thinking about blogging about it! Toy Story 4, for example, give me a break.

  7. sumlynnnguyen

    I thought about going to see the movie despite not enjoying the book, however this review confirmed why I shouldn’t. Thanks for writing the review and sharing your thoughts!

  8. sumlynnnguyen

    I have my ways… Just kidding! I basically typed up your blog name and gone girl on google and managed to find it that way! XD

  9. sumlynnnguyen

    No problem! Your review was golden, and reaffirmed why I shouldn’t waste 2 good hours watching a movie adaption of something I disliked.

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