12 Ways to Dig Your Relationship Out of a Rut

By: | January 8, 2015 | Tags: ,

a-digging-418x287Are you stuck in a relationship rut?  Do you sometimes feel relationships are more work than they’re supposed to be?  Did you and your partner answer mostly “no’s” to the majority of the 16 questions in yesterday’s query about the status of your relationship (16 Ways to Know if He or She is a Keeper)?  Then you are the inspiration for today’s blog post.

If you and your partner are stagnating in a relationship rut, and don’t know how to dig yourselves out, do the following:

  • Model clothes for each other.  Couples have three main problems: they fight over family, sex, and money.  If you and your partner fall into the last category, you need to get buy in from each other.  If you are a woman whose husband disapproves of her spending habits, show him the clothes or other purchases when you get them home.  Get buy in from him about how nice they are before he sees the bill.  Buying styles and colors he likes to see you in will facilitate buy in and make him feel like you care about his opinion.
  • Stay up late talking

I once saw this situation played out on an episode of Home Improvements.  Tim was afraid his wife was going to leave him since she seemed to be interested in another man.  At the end of the episode, they stayed up all night talking (yes, just talking), and everything was fine.

  • Sign up for a class together

If you are in a relationship rut, you need to reinvent yourselves.  Sorry, you do.  There is a negative connotation associated with the word work.  People think working on their relationship means giving effort when they are already tired from their daily activities and growing increasingly dissatisfied with the relationship.  Effort?  It can be fun.  Find a common interest and pursue it together.

In the years since my husband and I got married, we’ve taken tennis lessons, photography lessons, and smart phone lessons (just to name three off the top of my head) together.  We’ve also been to seminars together.  One was a blogging seminar.  Wayne went to support my interest, and I’ve gone to seminars he was interested in to support his interests.  We were going to take Spanish together, but they cancelled the class.

  • Take your partner’s picture.  It will make them feel like you are into them.  Wayne and our dog Casper are super bonded, so I’m frequently taking their picture.  Then, send them the picture.
  • Leave your partner nice notes.  “Nice” is intentionally vague.  Wayne is a really funny guy, so sometimes he sends me funny texts.  They are so random I just burst out laughing without warning wherever I am.
  • Go see a concert or show together.  Did you see the movie “Date Night” with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell?  They went out weekly no matter how tired they were.  This idea is not only in movie scripts.  My brother and his wife have “date night,” and they’ve been happily married about thirty years.
  • Challenge each other to a game.  Wayne and I love Gin Rummy; I always carry cards with me.
  • Double date with friends.  If you are in a relationship rut, you should spend time with other people.  Then, when the evening is over, you can talk about them instead of concentrating on the problems that put you in a relationship rut in the first place.
  • Get out of the house together.  Walk the dog, or take a drive.  Sometimes, the environment of the home can feel oppressive since you’re so used to being unhappy there.  Furthermore, when you take the drive, sing your favorite song.  Rock out together.  You need to get in the habit of having fun together again.
  • Make a list of why you were crazy about each in the first place.  With the responsibilities of daily life dragging you down, it’s easy to forget.
  • Give each other back rubs.  The physical contact may reignite that spark!
  • Spend a tech-free day together.  I was on a cruise ship in the middle of the Pacific during Christmas week.  What’s a blogger to do?  I paid for Internet minutes.  When they ran out, Wayne and I had a tech-free day!  Although my addiction to blogging was met with withdrawal pains, it was novel being with him without the lure of the Internet.

Source: 30-Day Relationship Challenge, http://www.popsugar.com/love/30-Day-Relationship-Challenge-35253795

Readers, if you feel these tips can help a couple that you know, please share.  Have any of these ideas worked for you?  Do you have any additional “G” Rated suggestions for spicing up a relationship?  I look forward to your views.


  1. John Doe

    It sounds like relationships are a constant work in progress. Good luck even though it seems like you do not need it.

  2. SingaporeMomBlogs

    Awesome 12 tips about relationship building. Totally agree that relationships needs to be constantly worked upon. Thank you for the great tips, I am going to do one each day for 12 days….

    • Janice Wald

      Did you see I cited a reference at the end of the post? It actually came from an article called “The 30-Day Relationship Challenge.” If you’d like, there’s a whole months worth at the end of my post, just click the link. I didn’t respond to all thirty. First, I combined some of them, next, some were sexual (ooh la la) =) Thanks for reading what I wrote and writing me. I thought it best to keep things G Rated!

  3. thisyearinmusic

    Good points here, I’m going to try and put a couple into practice.

    • Janice Wald

      Hi Nick!
      Thanks for reading what I wrote and writing.
      Wayne and I were watching the Bachelor and trying to count how many blondes and brunettes he, the Bachelor, liked. However, we couldn’t agree on who was a blonde. We laughed our heads off. Really fun. I was going to put it on the list, but I didn’t think anyone would “get” it, and Wayne agreed. I guess it fell under “challenge to a game.” =) Thanks as always for your support. How is the music world? Janice

  4. Neeci

    This is a great list to reference to for those who need a relationship fix. It seems like it can actually be a fun thing. I like the thought of making a list about why you were crazy about each other in the first place. I think a lot of relationships can be better if both parties can get back to that place 🙂

    • Janice Wald

      Thank you so much for the feedback. That’s why I love list posts. There are so many on the list for people to respond to. Thanks for reading what I wrote and writing.

  5. lidy

    I know some of the suggestions stress spending time together, but what I’d like to suggest is giving one another a whole day or several hours of “me time.” Gift each other, free from family or house and bill worries, to rest and relax however they’d like.

    • Janice Wald

      Date night if not an actual vacation. That’s why people have date nights.

  6. AMummysLife NZ

    Awesome tips that every relationship should follow, not just those in a rut.

    • Janice Wald

      Thank you so very much! I have a Testimonial Page now. I may add your nice compliment to it. Anonymously, of course.

    • Janice Wald

      Thanks. Maybe I should bring this out again Valentines week. Thanks for writing!

  7. kleebanks

    Excellent tips! I think there’s always room for improvement, and these may seem like little things- yet they can make a significant difference. Thanks for sharing!

    • Janice Wald

      Thanks, I told my husband about how you and your husband watch the Nascar races together.

  8. John Doe

    I really liked get out of the house together and sign up for a class together. Do anything together that creates a common interest, which in turn gives you topics of conversation you are BOTH interested in.

  9. Correen

    Clever, fresh ideas for newlyweds to old farts like hubs and I. 🙂 Thanks for the inspiration!

  10. Bonnie

    What a great post! Thanks for sharing it with us at the Home Matters Linky Party. I hope you will party with us again this Friday. #HomeMattersParty

  11. Pingback: Inspire Me Mondays
  12. Abhijit Rabha

    Yes, you are right that we should always try to make her feel good. The taking of her Picture with a phone is a great and best way. It really works because she always smile and it is also the fun moment with her.

    • Janice Wald

      That is great advice! Thanks for contributing to the discussion by writing with your idea. Where did you find this post? It’s years old.

  13. Amazer Me

    Relationships are something that you can’t go even one single day without. To get the bond in relationship need to trust on each other and keep yourself positive. There are some ways to keep yourself positive meditation, law of attraction.etc..

  14. Amazer Me

    You need to keep the romance alive in a new relationship. You should try to have a date night every week to keep the romance factor high. Thanks for sharing

  15. Liz Edion

    Is it not amazing that when love relationship is new, everything looks rosy – One can’t wait to see the other person. But after “I do” it is a different story. Quite amazing.

    • Janice Wald

      Yes, I agree. When people are first dating there is a honeymoon period. After marriage, people change.
      Thanks for commenting.

  16. Bella Xavier

    Great tips on keeping relationship alive. Definitely will pass to anyone who ask me about tips to strengthen courtship. I am industry and I came across relationship that people talk about and they were going through some difficult moments of their lives. One way is through human connection.

    • Janice Wald

      Hi Bella,
      I haven’t written a relationship post in a long time. Thanks for coming by to tell me you appreciate my tips.

  17. Dave

    Thank you for this great post. Many relationships die on arrival due to the negligence of little things!

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